NO USE CRYING OVER SPILLED WINE
by phantomoftheopera111
Summary: Story 78. After the dress shopping fiasco, Selina and Ivy head to Wayne Manor to score some wine, and have a talk.  NOTE: Takes place right after Story 77.


Another story! Takes place right after Story 77: DRESSES. :)

Hope you enjoy!

* * *

NO USE CRYING OVER SPILLED WINE

* * *

Selina opened the door knob and put her key back in her pocket, "Hello?"

"No one's home?" Ivy asked, peeking her head into the door.

"Nope, c'mon in!"

The girls entered the house. Ivy kicked her shoes off and shook the wrinkles out of her dress's bag.

"Alfred?" Selina called.

"Echo!" Ivy shouted and burst into giggles.

"You really did get drunk didn't you?"

"I started at 9 this morning!"

"Wow. Want some more?"

"Of course! My feet are killing me and I wasted a day I could have spent at home shagging Harvey's brains out, but NO! I had to go dress shopping!"

Selina smirked as Ivy threw her arms into the air.

Ivy turned to Selina, "Where is the wine again?"

"Follow me, no running off," Selina smirked taking Ivy's arm and leading her down the hall.

"Damn it. I wanted to go search in Bruce's room."

"That's nice, dear."

Ivy pouted, but cheered back up as soon as she saw the wine rack in the kitchen pantry, "Jackpot!"

"Be careful," Selina chimed, putting her dress onto the counter.

Ivy lifted up a bottle, "How old is this shit?"

"It's Bruce; it's not going to be shit."

"Oh. Cool. Hey, Kitty?"

"Yes, Ivy?" Selina asked looking out the window at the rain.

"You know that commercial where the chick opens the beer bottle with her crotch?"

"Yes."

"You think I could do that with this bottle?"

"No."

Ivy pouted, "Why not?"

Selina smiled, "Because, that's not a beer cap."

"Good point," Ivy laughed.

"Should you maybe tell Harvey where you are?"

"Bitch, bitch, bitch," Ivy grumbled, heading back into the wine closet.

Selina smirked, "Fine, I'll call your boyfriend for you and tell him you're not dead or being impregnated by some hobo."

Ivy poked her head out of the closet, "That hurt."

Selina clamped her hand over her mouth and her eyebrows shot up in shock, "Oh my God… Pam, I'm really sorry."

Ivy nodded slowly and disappeared back into the pantry.

Selina walked over to the door of the closet, "Hon, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean it."

"Its fine," Ivy grumbled, not looking at Selina.

"Do you need a hug?"

Ivy didn't reply, then she slowly nodded. Selina smiled sadly and pulled Ivy into her arms.

"I'm a wreck," Ivy sniffed.

Selina stroked her back, "You're not."

"I am though. I'm s-such a mess."

"Why do you say that?"

"Mm."

"No, don't you 'mm' me!"

Ivy grumbled something into Selina's chest.

"What?" Selina asked.

"You have big boobs."

Selina rolled her eyes, "Grab some bottles and let's get drunk."

Ivy grabbed a random bottle off the shelf, "Screaming Eagle 1994?"

"Sounds good," Selina smiled and wrapped her arm around Ivy.

"Sounds more like an orgasm."

They picked their dresses up from the counter and the floor, snagged their wine bottles, grabbed a wine bottle opener, some napkins, and headed upstairs.

"Where are we going?" Ivy asked.

"You wanted to go sneak around Bruce's room right?"

Ivy grinned and nodded vigorously.

They ran up the stairs and Selina pulled open the double doors to Bruce's giant room.

"God," Ivy gaped, "You have sex in here?"

Selina frowned and looked at Ivy, "Yes."

"This is amazing…"

Selina nodded and set her dress on the ground. Ivy stepped into the room and dropped her dress to the floor.

"You're just tossing that thing around," Selina frowned.

"Yeah, it's not like I'm ever gonna use it."

"Well, I know Harvey would like to one day."

Ivy waved Selina off and put the wine bottle on the nightstand.

"Do you think Alfred changes the bed sheets constantly?"

"He does it every day. I would know."

Ivy smiled and jumped onto the bed.

Selina laughed, "Nice."

"I'm totally melting in here… what kind of mattress is this?"

"It's one of those weird ass Tempur-Pedic mattresses. It's for Bruce's back because he's always getting the crap kicked out of him and stuff."

"Right, right," Ivy nodded curling into the plush comforter, "This is amazing."

Selina jumped into the bed and began melting into the mattress, "Isn't it?"

"Can I live here?"

"Bruce might object."

"That's fine. I'm so getting one of these mattresses."

"Then I'm sleeping with you and Harvey."

Ivy yawned, "Deal."

The girls sat on the bed, rolled on their sides, staring at each other.

"You know what?" Ivy began.

"What?" Selina asked.

"I'm gonna put on my dress," Ivy jumped off the bed and picked her dress off the floor.

"Is that, um, a good idea?"

"Yes," Ivy smirked, "Don't look."

Ivy pulled her shirt over her head and shook her dress out of its bag.

Selina laughed from her molded indent on the bed, "You're insane."

Ivy shook her skinny jeans from her legs, "As if you don't want to try your dress on."

"Well I actually might wear mine one day," Selina smiled.

Ivy whipped around, wearing just her bra and panties, "Y-you and Bruce?"

"Not now, silly!" Selina smiled, "But, someday. I'm gonna find my perfect man and he's gonna whisk me off my feet-"

"Like what Bruce already does now."

"Ivy."

"Has he proposed to you?"

"No!"

Ivy sighed and pulled the dress up over her legs.

"He hasn't," Selina grumbled, crossing her arms.

Ivy walked over to Selina, "Zip me up?"

Selina sat up and zipped up the dress, "There."

Ivy pulled away and struck a pose, "I look so beautiful."

"You're so vain," Selina laughed.

Ivy spun around, "I feel so pretty, though."

"Well, you look nice."

"Thank you," Ivy smiled and shook her skirt, "I love this."

With that she walked back over to the bed and flopped down onto her back.

"How can I help you, your highness?"

"Fetch me some grapes and crush them," Ivy waved Selina off.

Selina rolled her eyes and grabbed the wine off the bed table. She handed it off to Ivy.

"Now I want you to perform a strip tease for me."

Selina scoffed, "In your dreams."

Ivy gave her a shove, "Dance! Or at least put on your dress."

"Fine," Selina grumbled.

"And be grateful you didn't get one with the giant bow on the ass."

Selina tossed Ivy a glare as she began removing her pants.

"Meow!" Ivy shrieked, "Nice thong!"

Selina covered her butt, "Shut up."

Ivy smiled, "It's nice."

"Shut up," Selina pouted as she began slipping her dress up, "Close your eyes."

"Why?" Ivy pouted.

"I don't want you staring at my boobs!"

"You have nice boobs…"

"Cover them."

Ivy covered her eyes, "I didn't take off my bra and I'm doing fine."

"Yeah, we I want to feel official."

"In your 8 million dollar dress."

"It's not 8 million dollars," Selina grumbled tossing her bra to the floor, "It was less."

"Yeah right," Ivy grumbled.

Selina growled as she fixed the dress.

"Need help?" Ivy asked.

"Yes," Selina grumbled, walking over to the bedside and having Ivy secure the back of her dress.

Ivy smiled, "You're so pretty."

"Be quiet."

"No, I'm serious. If you were getting married, I would cry."

"If you were, I'd laugh my ass off."

Ivy gasped and while laughing, gave Selina a gentle slap. Selina jumped onto the bed, next to her friend and sighed.

"We didn't bring glasses, did we?" Ivy frowned.

Selina sighed, "No."

"Oh well," Ivy smiled popping open the bottle, letting the cap bounce off the ceiling.

Selina laughed as Ivy handed the bottle to her, after she had taken a long swig.

"Mm," Ivy smiled, "That is good wine."

"Bruce always buys the expensive stuff," Selina spoke after taking a drink.

"I love him," Ivy sighed.

"This must be good wine to already be drunk," Selina sighed, handing the bottle off again.

"It is," Ivy grinned, drinking again.

"What about Harvey?" Selina asked after a few moments of silent trading the wine bottle.

"What do you mean?"

"What are you gonna do about him?"

"Um, I don't know."

"Pam, you should probably give him some sort of closure."

"Wha- why are you so concerned about this now?"

"I don't k-"

Ivy pulled back, "Have you been talking to Harvey?"

"No…"

Ivy stared at her, "You have, haven't you?"

"No, well, I mean, he has brought it up before…"

"Goddamn it," Ivy growled, chugging half the bottle.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Easy there, tiger!" Selina gasped, removing the bottle from her.

"I'm gonna need another bottle," Ivy snapped.

Selina sighed, "Why are you so unhappy with him? He's a great person…"

"He's just so… needy sometimes."

"What?" Selina laughed.

"He's got so many plans for the future, and I'm just not ready. I'm still in the past, running around in tights and leaves. Now, Harvey is talking about family. God, I can't even give him one," Ivy began tearing up.

"Hey, hey, hey, don't get upset," Selina comforted, putting an arm around Ivy.

Ivy pouted, "Being around Harvey reminds me of what I can't have. What I can never have. Other girls can give him kids. I don't understand why he is sticking with me. I love him, but he wants a family. I need to let him go."

"Pamela. I never want to hear you talk that way. Ever."

Ivy sniffed and wiped her mascara from smearing down her face, "It's true."

"Shut up," Selina smiled, holding Ivy, rocking them back and forth.

"Fine. But you damn well know it is true."

"Shut up, now."

Ivy smirked and took another nip from the bottle. Selina sighed and pulled the bottle away from her friend.

"You're such an alcoholic," Selina scolded.

"Alcohol makes me happy."

"Stop that!"

"It does," Ivy giggled into Selina's chest.

"Those are my boobs."

Ivy smiled, "I know. They're nice boobs. Your dress makes you look so pretty."

Selina laughed, "God, I'm gonna go get your more wine. Just shut up."

"Thank the Lord!" Ivy cheered.

* * *

Ivy hiccupped and tried to hold her bottle steady. Selina sighed and tried to steady herself from falling off the bed.

"I think I'm -hic- I'm drunk," Ivy slurred.

"M-me too."

"Woo…" Ivy moaned.

Selina flopped back, "Gimme that bottle…"

Ivy shakily passed the bottle off to Selina. Selina held the bottle vertical to her lips and let out an ear-splitting scream as the wine missed her lips and poured down her face and breasts onto her dress and Bruce's sheets.

"Wha-!" Ivy screamed, jumping at the scream.

"NO!" Selina sobbed jumping up, letting the bottle fall onto the floor.

Ivy stared at the flowing stain, "Holy SHIT! You're bleeding! What happened! Did you cut yourself? I'll get the medic!"

Ivy flew off the bed with her wine bottle. But as she jumped into the air, there was a loud rip from her dress and the wine flew into the air, landing on the white carpet floor, and rushing down her dress.

Selina cried, "You idiot! I'm not bleeding!"

"Oh ƒυĊк!" Ivy gaped at her ruined dress.

Selina grabbed at her hair, "ƒυĊк!"

"Oh damn," Ivy broke into hysterical giggles and fell to the floor.

"ƒυĊк me!" Selina shouted, "NO! This did NOT happen!"

The bedroom door was kicked open. Both of the girls began screaming in shock. Bruce stared wide-eyed at the two girls crumpled on the ground and the bed, soaked in wine.

"Holy SHIT!" Bruce shouted, "You're bleeding! Alfred! Get the medical kit!"

"We're not bleeding!" Selina screeched.

"What the hell are you… you… y-"

Selina realized that Bruce had seen the red stains on his floor and bed.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Bruce bawled.

Tim came running into the room, "What's going on!"

"LOOK WHAT THEY DID!"

Ivy was attempting to crawl under the bed to escape the wrath of Bruce.

Tim stared at Selina, "Is that… um… menstrual blood?"

Bruce glared at Tim, then pushed him out of the room, "Go bother Dick."

Selina sobbed into her hands, "My dress…"

Bruce averted his eyes from his ruined bed sheets and floor to Selina's dress, "Where the hell did you get that?"

"I, um, bought… it…?"

"It's nice. How much was it?"

Selina frowned.

"It was less than 8 million," Ivy chirped.

Selina glared though the mattress.

"Selina. How much was it?"

"It was less than 10,000 …" Selina mumbled.

"Ok. How'd you get the money?"

"Um…"

"Selina?"

"What?"

"How?"

"You bought it," Ivy replied from under the bed.

An insane look darted in Bruce's eyes, "No."

"Yes."

"No, no, no. No, I didn't. Selina, baby, please tell me it's not true. I didn't buy a wedding dress for the hell of it and now… it's ruined."

"Actually you bought three dresses. Just two have been ruined," Ivy explained.

Selina looked under the bed, "Shut the ƒυĊк up!"

Ivy pouted.

Bruce sat down on the floor, "Oh my God… Selina… what were you thinking?"

"I wasn't… really thinking."

"I can tell," Bruce sighed and picked up one of the scattered, empty bottles of wine. He read the label.

"S-s-screaming E-eagle?" he stuttered.

"Yeah… why?" Selina asked.

"Oh no. No, no, no. ƒυĊк no. Selina, no."

"What's wrong now?" Selina cried.

"Do you know how much theses bottles cost? Each?"

"Um, $200?"

"No, Selina. $4,000 per bottle."

"Oh," Selina cupped a hand over her mouth.

"Now, times that by, how many bottles did you drink? Five?"

"Oh, Bruce… I'm so, so, SO sorry."

"I know."

"Why are you so calm? It's sort of freaking me out."

"I've had a very bad day. Plus, I learned from raising three boys, yelling never gets shit done. They don't learn."

"Um… you're not gonna beat me up, are you? I'm really tipsy right now and I really don't think I could take you."

"No, Selina. I'm gonna sit here for awhile and cry."

Selina rolled off the bed, landing in the puddle of wine, soaking her dress even more. She crawled over to Bruce. Bruce looked at her and sighed. Selina rested her head in his lap and exhaled slowly. He sighed and began stroking her hair.

Ivy glared at Selina from under the bed. She mouthed the words kiss-up. Selina rolled her eyes and glared back.

* * *

Bruce held onto Ivy as he led her down the sidewalk to the waiting cab. Dick was walking behind them with an umbrella.

Bruce handed the drunken woman off to Dick as he went to open the cab and pay the driver for her ride home.

Dick frowned as Ivy began running her fingers up and down his chest.

"My girlfriend isn't gonna like that very much…" Dick mumbled.

"Shh, shh, baby. It's not gonna hurt," Ivy slurred, quietly.

Dick looked at Bruce for help.

Bruce rolled her eyes and continued counting the money.

Ivy looked at Dick, "I want you so hard."

Dick began to blush, "Bruce."

"Oh for the love of God," Bruce growled and pulled Ivy off Dick.

She began to pout and look like she was going to cry. Dick rubbed his neck awkwardly. Bruce helped Ivy into the car, making sure the ripped train of the dress didn't get any more battered up. Bruce went to close the door, but Ivy stopped him.

"Wait, wait, wait," Ivy spoke and held up a finger.

She reached her hand up her back and down her dress. She clasped her fingers on her bra snap and undid it. She pulled the bra from her dress and pushed her breasts back down into the top.

"I want you to keep this," Ivy smiled seductively, handing the bra to Dick.

Dick blushed even more and unsurely took the bra.

Bruce sighed and closed the door. Ivy gave Dick a wink and a finger wave.

"Take care of her," Bruce ordered the driver.

The driver nodded and began to drive out of the large driveway. The boys watched the car pull out. The car screeched to a halt for a second as they both watch Ivy try to climb out of the window. She was pulled back inside to safety.

Bruce sighed and looked at Dick, who was fondling the orange bra with the red lace trim.

Bruce frowned, "Might want to get rid of that before Barbara finds it."

With that, Bruce turned towards the house and began walking.

Dick watched the taillights disappear, then slipped the bra into his coat pocket and began heading to the house.

FIN


End file.
